Category Archives: Humor

Attack of the Killer Sweet Potoatoes

IMG_3426Over the last few years, my kids and I have dabbled in gardening. This season started on a nearly catastrophic note when severe thunderstorm winds launched our seed starter box off the patio table and into the air, sprinkling our seedlings across our patio.  These events rendered my hand-drawn diagram completely useless, and forced us to plant our seedlings in a completely random layout. We dubbed it the Garden of Mysteries.

Oh, well. All’s well that ends well. We soon had cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and a variety of herbs popping up everywhere. Some gardening highlights include making our first batch of real homemade tomato sauce, as well as some hot pepper relish from our cute little cayenne peppers. What we grew most obsessed about as the gardening season progressed were the sweet potatoes, even though my kids won’t eat them. I, myself, have been really enjoying eating sweet potatoes for lunch with just a some butter and cinnamon. Yum!

The kids have no interest sharing a sweet potato lunch with me, but their curiosity grew as we tended to the garden. This was due to the very quickly growing vines and the large mound that became the focal point of the garden, commanding any onlooker’s attention. We could hardly stand the anticipation, and dug into the soil when the leaves first began to yellow, a tell-tale sign the potatoes were ready to harvest.

We placed our bets on how many sweet potatoes we would find, and after taking turns loosening the soil, we finally pulled out this:

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Now, I’m not sure whether it was something we did, or whether our garden was situated over an old meteor crash site that contaminated our backyard soil with alien matter. Whatever the case, this was the most freakish looking vegetable that I’ve ever seen! Not in the slightest does did it resemble the sweet potatoes that I had grown to love.

We brought them inside and set them on the counter, where they sat, untouched, for almost two weeks. It became a conversation piece, not to mention the butt of many bad jokes. We even debated the winner of a hypothetical Alien Sweet Potato versus Swamp Thing match.

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The day finally came where my wife gave me an ultimatum (it’s me or the potato), and since I couldn’t work up the nerve to  prepare them in my normal manner,  I decided to try making something special and fun for the kids – sweet potato chips! One nice thing about the strange shape of these potatoes was that were perfect for slicing into small chips. I tossed them in olive oil with some salt and rosemary and baked them until lightly browned. Everyone, even the kids, enjoyed the sweet potato chips.

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In the end, what started as the stuff garden nightmares are made of became a culinary miracle. The question is, can we recreate the same gardening magic next year?

Thank you, Mr. Bow Tie Guy

Bow Tie CarToday I happily took my son along with me to the comic book store to pick up the second issue of Jeff Lemire’s great new mini-series, Trillium. While I was helping little man out of his car seat, I couldn’t help but notice a smartly dressed man leaving the store, who happened to be looking our way and smiling. Of course, I thought to myself, “That’s right, my son and I ARE totally cute going to the comic book store together! And then we’re going to Wendy’s for Frostys!” A second glance, however, revealed that he was actually just admiring my front plate, because he too, was donning a sweet bow tie of his own. Even better!

After driving around for nearly six months since my car’s makeover, this genuine, unsolicited nod of approval just made my day. So, thank you, Mr. Bow Tie guy. Keep being cool.

Frosty time!

Frosty time!

Previously:

Introducing…Simon and his Red Bow Tie

The Conjoined Bananas

Conjoined bananas

While gathering materials for my previous post, my kids and I made a really important discovery: conjoined bananas. We had been going through all the bananas at the supermarket trying to find just the right ones for our tattoos.  A nearby employee was stocking fruit, and I couldn’t help but notice that he looked like he was having a miserable day. The sight of my daughter and I rifling through the neatly stocked bananas clearly irritated him further, so I made an effort to stay out of his way.

When we discovered the conjoined bananas, the disgruntled employee overheard our oooh’s and ahhh’s and came right over to see what all the fuss was about. He immediately perked right up. Like us, he’d never seen a such a thing in real life before. Surprising, actually, since he works around fruit all day.

We were pondering whether it would be two separate bananas on the inside, when he said, “Maybe we should open it up to find out,” to which I responded, “Yeah, man, go for it dude!” It wasn’t. It looked pretty much the same on the inside, which didn’t really matter because it was just so just exciting to see him open that sucker. Once peeled, he didn’t know what to do with it, so he offered it to us for free, and my banana-loving son happily ate it all before we were out of the produce section.

The employee ended up being a real nice guy, and I’m glad I was there for what was surely the highlight of his shift. After that, we didn’t have much else to say to each other, so my kids and I went on our way. It was an interesting and memorable interaction between a few strangers in a grocery store, momentarily brought together by a freak piece of fruit.

E.T. Is Back!

E.T.

E.T. was spotted by my family outside of a Sweet Frog frozen yogurt, in the back seat of a Subaru Outback.  It made for some lively family discussion:

“WHAT THE!?” -Mommy

“The windows are up. He’s all alone. Should we call Alien Protective Services?”  -Daddy

“Mommy, why can’t E.T. have ice cream, too?” -Daughter

“I bet there is an app for phoning home.” –Daddy 

“I’m glad to see that he is buckled in, at least.” -Mommy

“Is this foreshadowing of a reboot?” -Daddy 

Points and stares but is rendered speechless. -Son

We’ll never know the full story. In any case, it made our day!